How Hard Are You Working?

What kind of permission do you need to be who you are? Are you seeking attention, recognition, connection from others? How hard do you work to get what you need every day? What is your energy level like?

Many people are programmed to believe that hard work is the way to achieve goals. To get ahead in life you'd better be prepared to work you a*$ off. Is that your belief? Is there a desperation or hopelessness that exists because you feel stuck in some way? What if you could just let all that go. Too easy, right?

My friends, it's only as easy or hard as you choose to make it. Truth. We have a great gift in that we have choice. Choice is one of the most simple tools, that is available to us in every second, moment, hour, day, week, month, year. What do you choose? And here's the really cool thing, you can make a different choice at any time! If something isn't working for you, release the tendency to push or force, instead, ask what other possibilities exist that maybe your sweet little self hasn't thought of...yet. Instead of banging your head against a wall, and wondering why the wall doesn't crumble in, chose to do, be, have or experience something else. Does that sound utterly ridiculous or simplistic? It is: it is ridiculous because we aren't doing this more and it is simple. Why would have it be hard?!

Look at what is working for you. It probably feels "light" and right. (Ask you body, it has information for you as well). Look at what isn't working. This will most likely feel heavy, dense, stagnant and stuck. What choice could you make today that would allow the possibility of something different to show up? And here's the really cool part, you don't have to do much past that. Just be the space for that choice to come through. Sit back, watch, maybe have a cup of tea (or your choice of beverage, and watch what happens.

I've always thought I had to come up with the answers. SO NOT TRUE. I don't have to come up with any answers, my job is to simply ask the right questions and then, get the hell out of the way (taking my brain, limitations and judgements with me!) I've had several experiences this week where I thought something was going to happen and then it didn't Instead of being disappointed (which shuts off all possibilities) I asked to see this situation as one of possibility and potential. Knowing full well that I am not in control of situations or circumstances or even other people's choices, events, and schedules helped me remember that and in any moment, I can choose to STOP fighting my head, ask "What different choice is available that I don't even know about? What am I not seeing in this situation, that I could choose to see, that would bring about an entirely different experience through?" An answer didn't appear, but here's the deal, it didn't have to. I knew it would arrive when my attention caught up with my awareness. So I went to bed.

I awakened this morning to a myriad of choices and gratitude for not keeping myself in limitation. As I was making coffee, several possibilities "popped in". It made me grateful that I remembered that I have the option to ask a question, in any situation. I previously would have felt stuck and constricted, which completely limited my choices and options. I realize now that the "stuck feeling" is a byproduct of my brain working to either figure out a solution or fighting against what "is" or feeling constricted by outside, unexpected changes and circumstances; all of which just make WORK, a lot more work for me that what is necessary and required. I could reel, spin, twist, churn, box, scream, cry, fight, or chose something else, which would relieve me from having to figure it out and that would be easy. That, my friends, is the choice I made. I released any pressure, expectations, judgements and/or limitations and just let the answer find me. How easy and freeing is that?!

I've worked so hard in the past to come up with solutions and fix things. And that was virtually impossible because I was limiting other options by relying on former reference points! There's something very liberating when we can let go of our control and self-imposed limitations and not have to come up with an immediate answer. In fact, I'm finding that it's really not a talent of mine because much of what I "think" is often misaligned. By asking  questions, being "space" for the possibilities to formulate and by-passing the need to figure things out, expansion happens effortlessly and so does relaxation.

Today isn't at all what I expected it to be, it's even better. Living life from "here" means that I don't have to know what is going on, what's going to happen, how it's going to happen, when it might happen, who it might happen with, where we'll be.......  I can just enjoy the moment, fully and completely. All of my focus, attention and awareness is showered upon the present moment and the beautiful people that choose to show up in it. I really dig not having to work so hard!

Keys to Freedom: What Have You Been Locking Down?

What would it take for you to have total freedom in your life? And by the way this isn't a question to be answered with your head, in fact, you already know the answer......... you already are the answer......

"Freedom" is a concept we tend to put outside of ourselves and then we begin to "chase after it". We can become the eternal seekers, finding openings and tastes, here and there, but never really landing the "big catch" because.....if we did.....what would then happen? YIKES. LOCKDOWN. 

Many of us have become so entrained by our reality, circumstances, situations, relationships, career that we've forgotten the plethora of other possibilities that exist, we live in "lockdown" mode. We're shackled by our points of views, conclusions, judgements, should's, have's, need to's, ought to's.....and that's just the way it is. Does it have to be? Who's point of view have you taken on and made as your own? (Again, just ask the question, you don't have to look for/come up with an answer). 

The really interesting thing is that we already have the KEYS. We have the ability to unlock anything we've created and set up. No one on the outside of us has what we are all searching for. 

This month will be an especially interesting one to observe how lockdown happens. In the Nine Star Ki tradition, the guiding element is metal. Metal is related to our mental faculties, ability to process, analyze, and evaluate information. Our minds are extremely powerful tools and the ability held within them, greatly untapped. The mind is a masterful concept and one that requires respect and observation. We can talk ourselves into and out of anything. If we believe all the BS that our minds tell us, the view we take of our reality can become mighty skewed......but it won't look that way and it might not even feel that way, if we choose to believe our thoughts. 

There's not a way to "master" or control the mind. It simply is a tool that can be aligned with. It takes practice and patience. I need my mind for certain tasks but I've found lately it sometimes just needs something to do. It easily conjures up images of fear, worry, sadness, rejection and any other "stories" that will generate feelings and responses. It gets bored so this is often my "go to" way of creating drama because somewhere I got the idea that I needed to be in worry mode. When I'm in worry mode, my senses are awake and I feel alive. 

It's taken a LONG time to realize and catch myself in the act, so one of the KEYS for unlocking that space has been to treat my mind like a helper. When I notice that I'm going into that place of "I wonder what so and so is doing right now? Or I wonder if I'll hear from.......? Did I do something wrong here?......." I stop my mind and ask if it would be willing to solve a different problem, something like, "What would it take for you to go balance my checkbook? Or Maybe you'd like to go design a website?" And I send it packing........

Does that sound a little weird, a little strange? I'm ok to sound that way. For those who deal with "monkey mind" please just see if that resonates. If it does, check it out and play with it a bit. Adjust, expand, edit and see what would work for you.

My "happy place" includes infinite space where my mind is not engaged and running all the time. This often opens when I'm engaged in experiences that I really enjoy. I have a practice that I do before I go to sleep to "soften" my mind and on the nights I don't do it, I 'm usually awake at 4 am. 

I share this because there is a propensity within this type of month where the mind can really wreak havoc on the body/being. Of course your body/being is designed to handle anything, though your overall state may feel agitated, frustrated, uptight, tense and unable to fully relax.

 Here are a couple of KEYS to unlock those locked down states:

*Breathe---most simple and effective way of expanding awareness and coming back to center. This month's edition of Taproot Magazine has an excellent article, The Medicine of Breath. Taproot Magazine  

*Move/Walk--one of the easiest ways to get out of your head and into present moment (and it's free, mobile, you don't need a membership, you set the time limit!) 

*Commune with your Body--Sounds simple, and yet, oh so many people forget to talk to and ask their body what IT would like. Our bodies are what experience what we "do", the vehicles to get us where we want to go. What your body says, may be very different from what your mind needs/wants/already knows. Listen and see.

*Question--I've been working with and asking a lot of questions recently. Instead of trying to figure it out, asking a question creates a space where more possibilities can be presented. A number of solutions and new ways of seeing old situations have come in since I've started doing this. It's really freeing in that I don't have to have an answer, I ask, open and then let it go. The ideas start flowing in. It's definitely offered expansion in the way that I can see situations from many different perspectives and opportunities. In the past, I've gotten pretty locked into how I wanted things to be, how I wanted situations and relationships to turn out and when those didn't happen, I went into DEEP lockdown states of depression, sadness, loss, rejection, retreat. 

I've experienced all of those emotions/feelings/reactions because I forgot to expand and ask, what else would be possible?  This may be the most important KEY, on you'll want to start using. Just ask "What else is possible here?" That's it. Your job is done. Relax. Go play. Find something for your mind to....and when you least expect BOOM! Not one or two but many avenues will appear. (How awesome is that?!?!)

We will all have the invitations to work with, experience, play and stretch our minds this month, due to the influence of the metal element. Metal makes for excellent energies to organize and work with financial aspects, so this will be a supportive time to do taxes and book work. That said, it can also feel tight and constricting so make sure to give yourself plenty of space. Perhaps working in shorter increments and less "marathon" thinking?! Segment large projects into smaller tasks and take note of day to day progress. Avoid force or pushing. 

Work when you feel energized, and do what you can to alleviate pressure and deadlines. Ask for support and assistance when needed. Reward yourself by taking a walk/hike outside. Spending equal or great time involved in fulfilling activities/experiences. Notice the tendency to be in "work mode" and if it isn't conducive to other activities, be sure to communicate with your mind that you'd really like to relax! Minds will be activated and engaged this month and that can lead to a lot of intensity and pressure. Diffuse by tuning in and listening to what your body also needs. The mind has a tendency to forget it's attached to the rest of you!

So, hopefully you can take a few of these KEYS (or make your own!) and see what kind of fun, new ways of being in the world you can unlock? What kind of fun are you willing to be for yourself? What kind of fun would you be willing to have with your mind? What happens when you switch from being locked down to unlocked and unleashed?! I'll be interested to hear about your adventures if you choose to comment below. 

Who You Are

Who you are is an amazing gift to the world. Thank you. 

However you choose to show up in the world, I accept you. Thank you.

All the judgements of the past, present and future I've destroyed and uncreated. You are free. I am free. Thank you. 

Thank you for being you. Thank you for being the light you are in my life. Thank you for showing me examples of brilliance, joy, peace, laughter, unconditional love, allowance and friendship. 

This is the greatest work you've ever done. YOU ARE A STAR! 

Now.......go live your life, wherever you are called to be, whomever you are invited to be with, especially if this is just an intimate time with your own amazing being. 

This is your invitation.....your permission, to be exactly who you are. Show up. Live your life. Shine. You've "got this". You've always had it. No situation, no person can ever take this way. 

Feel free to copy and distribute these words, to everyone you know. Read them every day. Add to them. Paint them on your bathroom walls, stencil them on your curtains. Write them on your kitchen table, breathe them in. Live them. BE them. 

Love notes

Sometimes when I'm having a bad day and I'm more inclined to be grumpy than happy and optimistic, I find reminders, like this one. Out of the blue, planted her by sweet little fingers and delightful heart. I find little notes like this often, though I never know when or where they will pop up. They ALWAYS make my smile. And yes, I save them. Every. Single. One.

I found this a couple of months ago. I look at it every day. It reminds me that I am loved, and to me that is one of the most powerful feelings in the Universe. I am loved. I am loved. I am loved. {I'm just letting that soak in!}

It's a great thing to know that someone loves you, it's just as wonderful to be able to say that "I love myself". That's not conceited, narcissistic or vain. It's vital to living an authentic life. 

I've been lambasted for who I am, how I am and even what I believe. I am deeply sensitive and emotional. I feel, perceive and intuit easily. At times, this has felt like a curse, but I know now, that it is not. I do cry at the drop of a hat, when I am pissed off or I feel that emotions so deeply that this is the fastest "outlet of release". I cry for the pain of others, but I also cry when I see other people succeed. Truth: I've tried to suppress my emotions because it tends to make other people so damned uncomfortable.......and I can't do that anymore. It's not who I am.

You see, I have a heart, I have a huge, amazing HEART. It not only does it's job with the blood and oxygen, it delivers LOVE, in all forms, straight through my veins. I've thought that if I were to only operate with my mind, things would be a lot easier. But I'd miss the experience of how notes like this one make me feel. I'd miss the joy and laughter of my kids and how it feels when one of them grabs me and hugs me, especially when I didn't ask for one of them to. I'd miss that feeling of deep gratitude I have when I connect with friends who love, support and accept me, unconditionally. I'd miss the sweeping emotions of relief when I completed a difficult goal. Everyday, I'm seeing my sensitivity as a gift. 

I've spent a lot of years suppressing my heart, trying to keep it confined, because let's face it, when emotions begin to bubble and boil, not everyone knows how to handle it (including me, at times). That kind of LOVE is scary, wild and out of control. We fear giving our hearts away to others because..... who knows if we'll ever get them back? 

We shouldn't worry though. What we give away not only comes back, it multiplies. The heart is a muscle and the more we use it, the stronger it gets. The more cardio we put it through, the faster it beats. The same holds true for love and gratitude: the more we love, the more expanded our experiences of love becomes. 

For a long time, I've pushed love away; not just the love of other people, but love for myself too. I've compared myself to others. I've tried to be stronger and tougher, less sensitive, less emotional, less vulnerable. What I realize is that spending time trying to make everything that is ME go away is......exhausting. I've given my heart permission to feel however it needs and wants to feel and so what's here is a wide open, expansive freedom. I'm not here to judge, control or fix anyone (myself included). As one of my favorite authors, Dr. Dain Heer shares, "You can't have gratitude and judgement at the same time. You can either be grateful or have judgement: they don't co-exist. Which would you choose?" Gratitude is what I choose, ALL THE WAY BABY!

So here I am, raising the white flag. I give. I get it. I have a heart. I'm going to cry. I'm going to feel emotions so deeply, they cut me like a knife. Rejection sucks and it will most likely bring me to my knees, but it won't kill me. Finding out some situations just aren't going to work to will make my heart feel like it is being torn into bits and yet, every aspect of destruction lends itself to a new creation. The heart regenerates itself. Love repairs. Blood keeps pumping. Oxygen keeps circulating. Love repairs..........

So I have to wonder....... if I can feel this much pain, then my heart certainly has the capacity to feel even greater joy? And what happens if I just open my heart a little more every day? What experiences are ready to show up when I'm willing to live from this place, letting my heart, not my mind lead me? I have a feeling, it's going to be different, in an amazing ways. I'm ready to find out. Care to join me? 

Awakening

I'm not a morning person. I'm sure there was a time when I used to get out of bed at the crack of dawn and love it, but it's so far back in my story, that I have not a shard of that memory. I've tried many different programs and techniques to help motivated me. I've come to the conclusion that I HAVE to want to get out of bed and whatever I am getting out of bed for had better be WORTH IT. There's a few things that are worthy of me rising early but I won't mention those, on this blog, right now. For example, meeting Russell Crowe in person would be a good start. Since that hasn't happened, the likelihood of me naturally, blissfully bounding out of my nice warm nest is not on the radar either.

Getting out of bed is lame. It's something that has to be done and most of the time, for me, just one more necessity. It sucks. Awakening is...........different. Awakening happens in the precious, pregnant moments before full consciousness is birthed. It's the realization a shift is about to take place, something big and brilliant has illuminated your space. Something you can't quite grasp yet, but you know you've already signed up and you have agreed to go along for the ride....perhaps you'll even take the wheel? In those seconds, much transpires. The entire day is captured and anchored in a few microscopic breaths, in and out. The choice is made, either through your mind, ego, will, heart and/or soul. How you'll respond to the day depends on how you choose to react. And though you may not even realize how to expand time, the potential, albeit it short if you are a clock watcher, is fertile with potential.

I've nailed gotten through the Artist's Way morning pages since last week. This isn't exactly a triumph, (yet) because I've not always completed them in the morning; I've made a hell of an attempt though and this is the FIRST TIME I'VE EVER STUCK TO THEM FOR LONGER THAN A DAY! I do want to recognize and honor that something is definitely AWAKENING within my being.  I have so many ideas to share, my creative vibes are very strong and yet, I'm not feeling like I have the freedom of schedule to open up and let them flow.

It would be easy, after the day I've had to not even take the time to post. Here I am though, showing up to that which is ready to be written through me. I would love to devote my day to artistic endeavors and creative activities and right now.......the linear world is really showing up and challenging that. I've always focused on work, doing what I need to do and what has to be done before I play. I'm aware of the therapeutic benefits of time to play, paint, write, draw and I'm also aware that oil changes, grocery shopping, homework, laundry, dishes and meal preps do not get done by *magic* I'm showing up for all that AND opening to the possibility of manifesting larger dreams. In AWAKENING, all possibilities exist.

 I don't believe in balance anymore, if I did the scales would have toppled a long time ago. Someone asked me recently how I "balance all that I do". And this is close to what I shared: I don't balance. I take time throughout the day to connect with my soul. I find things that feed my mind/body/spirit. I strive for something healthy but I'm not above treating myself to white chocolate/coconut. I tend to the most important, relevant details that have to be taken care of and try to do something artistic to anchor my vision daily. In months like the one I am working with now, where I'm doing a lot of running and organizing I remind myself than when things get caught up (also an illusion) when space expands and I find myself with more *time,* then I start doing the things that I said I would do when I wished I had time to do and....... I DO them. Right now, sleep feels like a luxury and the idea of reading something just for pleasure seems as far away as the planet Mars. I have a number of deadlines and obligations and things that do that have to be done. What's different is that I am now taking time in the morning to create space, to open and truly AWAKEN. Since I'm not a jump-outta-bed-hit-the-floor-kinda-girl, I'm easing into whatever chapters are next in my life's book. Many chapters have been completed. I'm aware that new ones are forming. In the meantime, I'll be hanging out with the morning pages and getting a lot more used to what 5:30 looks and feels like. No expectations but definitely coffee. And My Head is An Animal Album. Over and over. 

What's the good {guiding} word?

What is your greatest vision for yourself? How would it look at feel to bring this image to life? One glance around my space and its evident that my favorite books are not novels, they relate either to art, creativity or self-improvement.

I've read everything I can get my hands on. My kindle is full and my amazon cloud is bursting. It's very clear that it is time to put those skills and suggestions to use. And really in doing so, I need to gift those books and just start tuning in to my own soul's wisdom. That's where my truth and guidance is stored. Taking myself to the next level includes action. I confess, I've avoided it. It turns out when one puts an intention "out there" there are a good number of unknown variables that also exist. There's no way to know how anything will turn out either, I believe that is what is called LIFE!

One of the tools that I use is the Ki energy system. It's a beautiful, helpful way of seeing themes and making sense of what is going on in our lives during any given month and year. This year my themes are birth/planning/details/nurturing/connections and travel/learning/expansion,vitality. Knowing the themes I've just completed, these are a breath of fresh air! Although the two station isn't one that I love, it is one that will slow me down enough to look at details, organize, plan and design. This isn't necessarily my year to take huge leaps, but it is coming. I can feel it!

So now that I've "called myself out publicly" to raise my own personal bar, I'll also share my guiding word this year: SHINE. There's a lot behind that one word. Shine, for me, means allowing the inner goodness to effortlessly radiate out. I've been through one of the roughest years of my life and I like to think that the "pressure" is shaping/forming my inner diamond. Shine means that I can be perfectly still and that my guiding light is still visible and tangible to myself. It can also serve as a beacon to others who need a little boost, a true friend an authentic "light". Shine feels light, vibrant, rich, full, whole and complete.

 The challenge of this word is that comes with vulnerability and that's a tough one for me. I have a hard time when I know I am being judged and to put myself "out there" could invite this. Those little trickles of fear arise when I realize I may be seen, noticed, heard, watched to a greater degree. I think we are all here to do great things and that means becoming visible, sharing my work, words, insight, suggestions, support, inspiration and guidance with others. I tend to work best behind the scenes. I'd rather be the one doing the work and not the one taking credit for it. I've been criticized and falsely judged one too many times. But I won't know how brightly I can SHINE, if I'm not willing to take those risks. So I will. I will step out of my little safe cocoon and right up to the plate. I have no idea how this will all take shape, how I'll emerge by this time next year. We are all guaranteed change and forward movement so.......let the games begin.

I have a few ideas of what my talents are and in the general direction of how I can apply them but the results.........well, your guess is as good as mine. I think we'll both be surprised. I go forward with a deep trust and authentic curiosity about what the coming year. For the first time (in maybe forever) I have no expectations and no notions of the outcome.

The first steps toward my guiding words look like this:

I finally set up an official creative space! I'm very excited to have all of my materials in one spot. It feels really GOOD too. I have a number of projects already lining up and asking to be "birthed" in this space. I love that this room is upstairs and it is filled with light! It's like connecting with my higher self every time I walk up those stairs. 

This is my second baby step. I'm taking an on-line painting/mixed media class. We were encouraged to share our work. To this I cringed. I gathered my favorite colors, which happen to be dark and rich. I selected key pieces which are too tiny to show up in the picture, but I know they are there. I watched the video over and over, compared mine and about pitched it. It looked awful and not at all what I had in mind (not really sure what I had in mind, but this wasn't it!) I called it good and walked away.

After my massive clean/reorganize project I revisited this piece and was guided to add details with the white paint pen. I must say this was a BLAST. I know nothing about color, contrast, texture, etc. Everything that I do is completely intuitive. I was happy with how this turned out. I think I may make my living room a gallery...............

So, baby steps to letting my inner and outer light shine. Thank you for reading, thank you for sharing. I wish you the brightest, most beautiful journey this year. If you've selected a guiding word, may it bless you, strengthen you and encourage your truest self to emerge. 

I'd had a sense that it was going to snow when I prepared for slumber the other night. I rarely listen to the news and have taken most weather apps off of my phone. If I hear of a forecast, it is because someone else has mentioned it. I'd turned on my electric fireplace and snuggled down in the covers feeling like I was ready for a soft, beautiful snow to blanket my dreams. 2013 has been rough, to say the least. I'm ready for a fresh start. I have a feeling I'm not alone. The next day it didn't snow, nor did it yesterday, in fact the weather was warm and lovely.  I woke up this morning to a gorgeous snowfall and I've been mesmerized by it for hours. Just sitting here watching the snow come down and whiten the ground. Sometimes what we sense is there, it just takes a bit of time for it to manifest. And patience seems to be my strongest lesson lately. Patience. 

Normally this time of year I start thinking about all that's happened and the goals I have for the coming one. Not this time. Nope. Jumping on a different mode of transportation this year. I'm not taking a jet, or a train or even car. I fully intend to use my body as the vehicle it was intended to be. I believe our feelings/emotions and intuition are our inner GPS. They let us know if we are on the right track. If the choices we make are in alignment with our soul, then it feels right. And let me tell you, what feels right and good can make HUGE waves in one's reality because sometimes they don't make sense to the mind. Choices, for me, are a delicate balance of mind, intuition and heart-centered guidance with a dash of the "unknown" and a bit of a gamble, which I'm not much of a betting person. Perhaps it is because I believe that every moment counts and that the choices we make directly effect others, no matter if we see it or not. We feel it. We feel everything and some of us, feel, hear and see more deeply than others. This isn't a negative, it's just how we are wired. And knowing how I am wired is where my focus has been this past year. 

I would say that at 41, I know myself pretty well, but there are some unknowns that even now, I'm still discovering. I do know of my talents. I know that I am determined and stubborn (I'm sure I can provide a list of references who will vouch for that!) I know how to make things happen. I don't quit. I am relentless. I work instead of playing. I focus and drive and succeed. It's gotten me to a good place in my life but it won't get much further. I've hit the wall with this realization. I am ready to change directions entirely. I have to, the methods I've used for years are........obsolete. Here's what I've come up with; instead of adding more to my to-do list for the coming year, I'm taking it all away.

Here's what I won't be doing:

worrying, forcing anything, fixing anyone or anything, making others happy and comfortable, (never was my job and it seems I've failed epically :) sugar coating shit (in all forms), making things worse, focusing on the negative, getting too attached the positive, allowing myself to be used, played, manipulated, controlled and any words that start with un, dis, or non. Here's my personal emancipation proclamation to the Universe...I'm letting it all go...........all of it. What remains is what I'll work with. And if there's nothing, then there's freedom in that too.

I now understand why I was on a mission to releasing a significant amounts of clutter, in all forms. I've energetically, emotionally, mentally and physically made space or the new. I've made space, I haven't yet filled it. That's what I'll be doing with great care in 2014.

Gone are any preconceived ideas of how things should go, ought to go, need to go, will go. I've identified my values and core desired feelings and these will be the Spiritual GPS tools that I'll use for navigation. I make no promises or vows to do anything. I am not trying to outguess or even direct my future. Applying too much hope distracts me from what is already richly showing up in the present moment.

There's exquisite beauty in letting go, though it does go against what some of us were taught in the "work hard for your dreams department". It truly counterbalanced by natural instinct to fight for what I believe in and not give up. Letting go is..........different. I find that it isn't about winning or loosing. It is not about controlling a desired outcome; its a release not a resignation. It's acceptance and vulnerability that opens and reconnects us with the core of our truth, the truth of who we are, why we are here and how we can create a life that is authentic and meaningful. 

I have no idea what the coming year will be like. All I know is where I've been and where I am now. So this is me, starting over. Brand new. Un-doing, not doing, letting go of resolutions of any kinds. You are welcome to join me, I'd appreciate the company and companionship. And in letting go of what we don't need, perhaps we will gain, that which our souls seek.