Awakening

I'm not a morning person. I'm sure there was a time when I used to get out of bed at the crack of dawn and love it, but it's so far back in my story, that I have not a shard of that memory. I've tried many different programs and techniques to help motivated me. I've come to the conclusion that I HAVE to want to get out of bed and whatever I am getting out of bed for had better be WORTH IT. There's a few things that are worthy of me rising early but I won't mention those, on this blog, right now. For example, meeting Russell Crowe in person would be a good start. Since that hasn't happened, the likelihood of me naturally, blissfully bounding out of my nice warm nest is not on the radar either.

Getting out of bed is lame. It's something that has to be done and most of the time, for me, just one more necessity. It sucks. Awakening is...........different. Awakening happens in the precious, pregnant moments before full consciousness is birthed. It's the realization a shift is about to take place, something big and brilliant has illuminated your space. Something you can't quite grasp yet, but you know you've already signed up and you have agreed to go along for the ride....perhaps you'll even take the wheel? In those seconds, much transpires. The entire day is captured and anchored in a few microscopic breaths, in and out. The choice is made, either through your mind, ego, will, heart and/or soul. How you'll respond to the day depends on how you choose to react. And though you may not even realize how to expand time, the potential, albeit it short if you are a clock watcher, is fertile with potential.

I've nailed gotten through the Artist's Way morning pages since last week. This isn't exactly a triumph, (yet) because I've not always completed them in the morning; I've made a hell of an attempt though and this is the FIRST TIME I'VE EVER STUCK TO THEM FOR LONGER THAN A DAY! I do want to recognize and honor that something is definitely AWAKENING within my being.  I have so many ideas to share, my creative vibes are very strong and yet, I'm not feeling like I have the freedom of schedule to open up and let them flow.

It would be easy, after the day I've had to not even take the time to post. Here I am though, showing up to that which is ready to be written through me. I would love to devote my day to artistic endeavors and creative activities and right now.......the linear world is really showing up and challenging that. I've always focused on work, doing what I need to do and what has to be done before I play. I'm aware of the therapeutic benefits of time to play, paint, write, draw and I'm also aware that oil changes, grocery shopping, homework, laundry, dishes and meal preps do not get done by *magic* I'm showing up for all that AND opening to the possibility of manifesting larger dreams. In AWAKENING, all possibilities exist.

 I don't believe in balance anymore, if I did the scales would have toppled a long time ago. Someone asked me recently how I "balance all that I do". And this is close to what I shared: I don't balance. I take time throughout the day to connect with my soul. I find things that feed my mind/body/spirit. I strive for something healthy but I'm not above treating myself to white chocolate/coconut. I tend to the most important, relevant details that have to be taken care of and try to do something artistic to anchor my vision daily. In months like the one I am working with now, where I'm doing a lot of running and organizing I remind myself than when things get caught up (also an illusion) when space expands and I find myself with more *time,* then I start doing the things that I said I would do when I wished I had time to do and....... I DO them. Right now, sleep feels like a luxury and the idea of reading something just for pleasure seems as far away as the planet Mars. I have a number of deadlines and obligations and things that do that have to be done. What's different is that I am now taking time in the morning to create space, to open and truly AWAKEN. Since I'm not a jump-outta-bed-hit-the-floor-kinda-girl, I'm easing into whatever chapters are next in my life's book. Many chapters have been completed. I'm aware that new ones are forming. In the meantime, I'll be hanging out with the morning pages and getting a lot more used to what 5:30 looks and feels like. No expectations but definitely coffee. And My Head is An Animal Album. Over and over.