Keep It Light Enough To Travel

Hi Friends,

I'm excited to announce that I'll be switching over to a new blog...It's something that will be more suited to my lifestyle, who I am, what I am about and hopefully, fingers crossed and big dreams manifested, something that I will be able to expand with, publish and LIVE.

If you've read my words for any length of time, you know that my feet don't stay in the same place for very long. In fact, during the last month, I've probably averaged about two nights in my cozy little house in Curtis. That's just enough time to do laundry, maintain the yard with the awesome help of my neighbor, Brady {many thanks, man, I owe you a few steaks!}

Travel is something that has always appealed to me; it feels my heart and soul. I deeply love to see the country, meet up with people, hang out, have fun and learn. I'm always in a state of learning and seeing things from an ever expanding view point.

I also know a few things about energetic themes, so while I enjoy being on the go, it is not always feasible for me to do so. During the school year, I am tied to a pretty consistent and sometimes intense routine. Summers open up, kids don't have to be in bed at a certain time. They do spend a lot of time going to rodeos with their Dad, so I don't see them nearly as much as I prefer. I am glad that they are able to do what they enjoy, it just leaves this Mama pretty lonesome at times.

I've spent the past several months really diving deep and reconnecting with myself. It's easy to disconnect, forget I am, what I am about and why I am here. I've been devoted to children and home for the past 15 years and for the most part, that's been my identity. It still is, but there have been some changes.

The person I lived with for 19 years is on a different path and that has created space, a whole lot of space to explore and rediscover myself. Like any completion and letting go of the past, it has had its ups and downs. Focusing on the downs is not a way to move forward so I've very much enlisted the support and assistance of wonderful friends. In essence, I've created a very strong "tribe" and I am extremely grateful for them, every single day. (There's always room for more!)

I've discovered that the concept of "home" is wherever I am at. My primary residence has been this backpack and my Subaru. I've spent more time in my car than I have anywhere else. My "home" has a lot of rooms; they are scattered all about. At any time of day, depending on the direction, I could call any number of friends and say, "Hey, mind if I crash at your place?!" I've not been turned down yet....and I think I very much embody a couch/chair surfer!

 I don't desire to live in a large, fancy house. Not because I couldn't handle the aspect of "wealth" but because it would be totally wasted space. I wouldn't likely be in it all that much. I've always thought of myself as needing a home, a place to call my own, a base. I'm finding that concept is not nearly as solid as I once believed. What I need is a (preferably) soft place to sleep (I bring my pillow and blanket) a little food (I don't eat much) water, coffee if it's available and something to write on (words pop into my brain all the time). I reply on phone, when I can't use my computer and the kindle holds a bunch of books that I would otherwise be toting around. I have two camping chairs in the back of my car and during the week there's a set of golf clubs that come along for short rides.

I have nice jewelry but I wear one ring, one necklace and the same earrings most all of the time. I have a small bag that I throw my little wallet, cell phone and sunglasses in and a backpack for my clothes. When I'm not flying, I indulge in a bag filled with my art supplies and journals. I have two pairs of shorts that I alternate between, a few skirts, t-shirts, a couple pairs of sandals and sneakers. It takes me less than five minutes to pack and be out the door.

My home is not bare, but there isn't a lot of clutter. The primary items are books and art supplies. It takes me an evening to clean, vacuum, and do surfaces. I still have more than enough "stuff" but the stuff doesn't require a lot of care. If I were to move in a month, I'd be able to box items up, quickly find new homes for them and be on my way.

It would be easy to look at what I've lost/released in the past year, but the truth is, I've actually gained in ways that I wasn't even aware of! Little did I know my theme song,  Keep It Light Enough To Travel would be prophetic in some aspects. That has become my motto, take only what I can fit in the Subaru and......have FUN!

I'll be posting from here Keep It Light Enough 2 Travel. Like my journeys, it'll likely be random, unplanned, creative, thoughtful and hopefully inspiring. I'm opening a new chapter and heading in a new direction in my life. I have no idea where I'll be going next, I've given the wheel over to my body/being, tuning in and listening (even when it doesn't make sense) because when I do that, it ALWAYS works out!

I'll be posting more often so please check back from time to time. I have a couple of fun ideas for those who want to follow along, some inquiry questions, offerings and opportunities. This feels like what I've been wanting to experience for a long time. Care to join me?!

Healing + Restoration

Hi Friends, 

I've taken a bit of a blogging break as life has demanded that I show up and participate. I've gone through an intense phase of letting go of some very tender pieces of my life. I'm in the process of rebooting and in doing so, much of the way I've participated and made sense of the world is also shifting. Solid ground is an evasive concept:

1. Everything is impermanent, no matter how badly we might           wish it to be otherwise.

2. Everything changes so.... avoid attachments.

These are not new ideas for me, it just seems that I am being called to re-learn them. When we participate in life, when we show up and play all out, it's quite a challenge to let go of intentions that we've focus on. We put our heart and soul "out there" in hopes that we will attain what we've invested so strongly within. When the goal falls short, we may feel that we have failed. 

This is probably one of the most difficult concepts for me. I go for what I want. I have  clear visions and plans. When that falls apart, I'm the first to admit, that I do too. It's not something I'm proud of but that's the truth. 

It's the picking-myself-up-off-the-floor and learning to move beyond the pain that sets in motion a new plan. It's not easy to keep going, especially when I've had my heart on something, but I'm finding that life has a way of supporting me, even when I don't ask. 

A friend may call, out of the blue, one of my kids gives me an unexpected hug or I get to watch a really beautiful sunset. I become more aware of the messages, signs and symbols that are all around me, reminding me that I haven't yet hit my stride, there's more. 

Then, I'm beckoned beyond my normal routine, following a message that I've had for a long time to just "be" to breathe and find water. I sit, for a really, really long time. I breathe in deeply and feel the beat of my heart. It's been through the ringer but it is still going. Here I have no agenda, no plans, no thoughts, no pain, no pleasure. Here is the art of present moment, where everything and nothing comes together, without competition, it just is. Here is where I need to be. Here is where I find myself. Here is where I heal and restore. Here is where I let go. Healing with water and wind. 

Turtle Traveling: BMOPHS

I’ve been on the road a great deal lately and it looks that that trend will continue for the remainder of the year. I’ve always enjoyed traveling, being in different locations, experiencing new energies, situations and people. People and places are so fascinating to me. I feel that my ideal career involves travel, of some sort. I am happiest when I am on the go. I appreciate having a space to come home to, but more and more, I'm finding I'm just as happy to BE, wherever I land. Perhaps that comes with feeling secure in my skin? Or maybe from recognizing that I really don't need many material objects to make me happy? It could be a combination of the realization of how I've limited myself by saying, "Oh, I can't do that right now, maybe someday." Well, my "someday" is approaching and I'm in full allowance of however that decides to show up. I'll be ready because I've been practicing. 

I’ve long been one to take the contents of “home” wherever I may roam. If I am not flying, a pillow and blanket are tucked in the car, right along with a few clothing changes. Packing for me happens in less than five minutes. I’m very clear and concise when it comes to clothing; everything I own is comfortable and interchangeable. I have a carpet bag and packing cubes at the ready. I throw in a few essentials like toothbrush, facial cleanser and mascara and I’m as good as gone.

My art bag, when not in use in the studio, is by the stairway, also ready for grab-n-go, even if it’s just across the street to the gazebo. My kindle and computer often join me, depending on the “assignment” of the journey. I had previously traveled very “light” focusing on not bring unnecessary extras. However, that wasn’t so comfy. I don’t need much mind you, but there’s something quite homey and soothing when I have my own utensils, cup and tea. Silly? Perhaps. A waste of time? Never! I’ve created and incorporated my own tea ritual. It doesn’t matter where I am or who I’m with; that former Dr. Pepper craving around 2ish has since been replaced by hot tea (and yes, this happens throughout the seasons, no matter if it is 90 or 10 degrees outdoors.) My current favorites are Jasmine Green Tea from Mountain Rose Herbs and Teavana's Matvana, Blueberry Bliss and Kona Pop, depending on my mood (and the mood I wish to create!) I’ve found that it doesn’t take that much to tuck in my tea mug, strainer and loose tea. Water is readily available. I prefer stovetop heating methods, though I’ve been known to pop a mason jar of water on a car hood to heat it up. When I travel, sometimes my tea ritual includes popping a green tea bag into my water bottle. I'm flexible like that. 

For lunch and supper on the go, I bring a latte mug, which also converts to a soup bowl. I pop a set of bamboo utensils and a reusable cloth into my purse and I have the makings of instant service for one. I either bring along some pre-made, portable snacks, the previous nights leftovers, or explore local groceries for easy, fast fixings for spontaneous, roadside picnics. I’ve found that I enjoy eating in new places, especially ones that don’t have long waits and standing room only options. The picture above was from a recent adventure, this was breakfast. I break all kinds of eating rules. Noodles are delicious in the morning. 

I’ve often joked about converting my Subaru into a mini-RV. All I’d need is to put the seats down, add a memory foam mattress and I’d be set. I may try that this summer. Life has become a delicious adventure for me. I kind of feel like I’d make a good turtle. While I don’t carry my home on my back, I certainly am finding ways to bring “home” with me. I am packing a few more things along than what I would need though no matter where I land, I would be as "snug as a bug in a rug" (pardon the pun, it was just really perfect here!)

While I'm still rooted pretty securely for the time being, I'm considering what it would take for me to have a portable, vagabond type lifestyle one day. I'll most likely want a little cottage to call home, a place to land and connect with my children and friends, though I am starting to wonder what that kind of life would be like? I've certainly heard the call........ and since I'm comparing myself to a turtle, there's no time limits....... I'll get there when I get there! So, I'll probably have a cup of tea and contemplate this for a bit longer. If you'd be interested in sponsoring the "Turtle Travels" please let me know. I think I make a pretty decent house guest. I BMOB, BMOP, BMOU, BMOPHS. Did you get that?!?! (I Bring My Own Blanket, Bring My Own Pillow, Bring My Own Utensils, Bring My Own Peace, Happiness and Sunshine!) 

What are the creature comforts you pack along? I'd love to hear about them in the comments below. 

How Hard Are You Working?

What kind of permission do you need to be who you are? Are you seeking attention, recognition, connection from others? How hard do you work to get what you need every day? What is your energy level like?

Many people are programmed to believe that hard work is the way to achieve goals. To get ahead in life you'd better be prepared to work you a*$ off. Is that your belief? Is there a desperation or hopelessness that exists because you feel stuck in some way? What if you could just let all that go. Too easy, right?

My friends, it's only as easy or hard as you choose to make it. Truth. We have a great gift in that we have choice. Choice is one of the most simple tools, that is available to us in every second, moment, hour, day, week, month, year. What do you choose? And here's the really cool thing, you can make a different choice at any time! If something isn't working for you, release the tendency to push or force, instead, ask what other possibilities exist that maybe your sweet little self hasn't thought of...yet. Instead of banging your head against a wall, and wondering why the wall doesn't crumble in, chose to do, be, have or experience something else. Does that sound utterly ridiculous or simplistic? It is: it is ridiculous because we aren't doing this more and it is simple. Why would have it be hard?!

Look at what is working for you. It probably feels "light" and right. (Ask you body, it has information for you as well). Look at what isn't working. This will most likely feel heavy, dense, stagnant and stuck. What choice could you make today that would allow the possibility of something different to show up? And here's the really cool part, you don't have to do much past that. Just be the space for that choice to come through. Sit back, watch, maybe have a cup of tea (or your choice of beverage, and watch what happens.

I've always thought I had to come up with the answers. SO NOT TRUE. I don't have to come up with any answers, my job is to simply ask the right questions and then, get the hell out of the way (taking my brain, limitations and judgements with me!) I've had several experiences this week where I thought something was going to happen and then it didn't Instead of being disappointed (which shuts off all possibilities) I asked to see this situation as one of possibility and potential. Knowing full well that I am not in control of situations or circumstances or even other people's choices, events, and schedules helped me remember that and in any moment, I can choose to STOP fighting my head, ask "What different choice is available that I don't even know about? What am I not seeing in this situation, that I could choose to see, that would bring about an entirely different experience through?" An answer didn't appear, but here's the deal, it didn't have to. I knew it would arrive when my attention caught up with my awareness. So I went to bed.

I awakened this morning to a myriad of choices and gratitude for not keeping myself in limitation. As I was making coffee, several possibilities "popped in". It made me grateful that I remembered that I have the option to ask a question, in any situation. I previously would have felt stuck and constricted, which completely limited my choices and options. I realize now that the "stuck feeling" is a byproduct of my brain working to either figure out a solution or fighting against what "is" or feeling constricted by outside, unexpected changes and circumstances; all of which just make WORK, a lot more work for me that what is necessary and required. I could reel, spin, twist, churn, box, scream, cry, fight, or chose something else, which would relieve me from having to figure it out and that would be easy. That, my friends, is the choice I made. I released any pressure, expectations, judgements and/or limitations and just let the answer find me. How easy and freeing is that?!

I've worked so hard in the past to come up with solutions and fix things. And that was virtually impossible because I was limiting other options by relying on former reference points! There's something very liberating when we can let go of our control and self-imposed limitations and not have to come up with an immediate answer. In fact, I'm finding that it's really not a talent of mine because much of what I "think" is often misaligned. By asking  questions, being "space" for the possibilities to formulate and by-passing the need to figure things out, expansion happens effortlessly and so does relaxation.

Today isn't at all what I expected it to be, it's even better. Living life from "here" means that I don't have to know what is going on, what's going to happen, how it's going to happen, when it might happen, who it might happen with, where we'll be.......  I can just enjoy the moment, fully and completely. All of my focus, attention and awareness is showered upon the present moment and the beautiful people that choose to show up in it. I really dig not having to work so hard!

Keys to Freedom: What Have You Been Locking Down?

What would it take for you to have total freedom in your life? And by the way this isn't a question to be answered with your head, in fact, you already know the answer......... you already are the answer......

"Freedom" is a concept we tend to put outside of ourselves and then we begin to "chase after it". We can become the eternal seekers, finding openings and tastes, here and there, but never really landing the "big catch" because.....if we did.....what would then happen? YIKES. LOCKDOWN. 

Many of us have become so entrained by our reality, circumstances, situations, relationships, career that we've forgotten the plethora of other possibilities that exist, we live in "lockdown" mode. We're shackled by our points of views, conclusions, judgements, should's, have's, need to's, ought to's.....and that's just the way it is. Does it have to be? Who's point of view have you taken on and made as your own? (Again, just ask the question, you don't have to look for/come up with an answer). 

The really interesting thing is that we already have the KEYS. We have the ability to unlock anything we've created and set up. No one on the outside of us has what we are all searching for. 

This month will be an especially interesting one to observe how lockdown happens. In the Nine Star Ki tradition, the guiding element is metal. Metal is related to our mental faculties, ability to process, analyze, and evaluate information. Our minds are extremely powerful tools and the ability held within them, greatly untapped. The mind is a masterful concept and one that requires respect and observation. We can talk ourselves into and out of anything. If we believe all the BS that our minds tell us, the view we take of our reality can become mighty skewed......but it won't look that way and it might not even feel that way, if we choose to believe our thoughts. 

There's not a way to "master" or control the mind. It simply is a tool that can be aligned with. It takes practice and patience. I need my mind for certain tasks but I've found lately it sometimes just needs something to do. It easily conjures up images of fear, worry, sadness, rejection and any other "stories" that will generate feelings and responses. It gets bored so this is often my "go to" way of creating drama because somewhere I got the idea that I needed to be in worry mode. When I'm in worry mode, my senses are awake and I feel alive. 

It's taken a LONG time to realize and catch myself in the act, so one of the KEYS for unlocking that space has been to treat my mind like a helper. When I notice that I'm going into that place of "I wonder what so and so is doing right now? Or I wonder if I'll hear from.......? Did I do something wrong here?......." I stop my mind and ask if it would be willing to solve a different problem, something like, "What would it take for you to go balance my checkbook? Or Maybe you'd like to go design a website?" And I send it packing........

Does that sound a little weird, a little strange? I'm ok to sound that way. For those who deal with "monkey mind" please just see if that resonates. If it does, check it out and play with it a bit. Adjust, expand, edit and see what would work for you.

My "happy place" includes infinite space where my mind is not engaged and running all the time. This often opens when I'm engaged in experiences that I really enjoy. I have a practice that I do before I go to sleep to "soften" my mind and on the nights I don't do it, I 'm usually awake at 4 am. 

I share this because there is a propensity within this type of month where the mind can really wreak havoc on the body/being. Of course your body/being is designed to handle anything, though your overall state may feel agitated, frustrated, uptight, tense and unable to fully relax.

 Here are a couple of KEYS to unlock those locked down states:

*Breathe---most simple and effective way of expanding awareness and coming back to center. This month's edition of Taproot Magazine has an excellent article, The Medicine of Breath. Taproot Magazine  

*Move/Walk--one of the easiest ways to get out of your head and into present moment (and it's free, mobile, you don't need a membership, you set the time limit!) 

*Commune with your Body--Sounds simple, and yet, oh so many people forget to talk to and ask their body what IT would like. Our bodies are what experience what we "do", the vehicles to get us where we want to go. What your body says, may be very different from what your mind needs/wants/already knows. Listen and see.

*Question--I've been working with and asking a lot of questions recently. Instead of trying to figure it out, asking a question creates a space where more possibilities can be presented. A number of solutions and new ways of seeing old situations have come in since I've started doing this. It's really freeing in that I don't have to have an answer, I ask, open and then let it go. The ideas start flowing in. It's definitely offered expansion in the way that I can see situations from many different perspectives and opportunities. In the past, I've gotten pretty locked into how I wanted things to be, how I wanted situations and relationships to turn out and when those didn't happen, I went into DEEP lockdown states of depression, sadness, loss, rejection, retreat. 

I've experienced all of those emotions/feelings/reactions because I forgot to expand and ask, what else would be possible?  This may be the most important KEY, on you'll want to start using. Just ask "What else is possible here?" That's it. Your job is done. Relax. Go play. Find something for your mind to....and when you least expect BOOM! Not one or two but many avenues will appear. (How awesome is that?!?!)

We will all have the invitations to work with, experience, play and stretch our minds this month, due to the influence of the metal element. Metal makes for excellent energies to organize and work with financial aspects, so this will be a supportive time to do taxes and book work. That said, it can also feel tight and constricting so make sure to give yourself plenty of space. Perhaps working in shorter increments and less "marathon" thinking?! Segment large projects into smaller tasks and take note of day to day progress. Avoid force or pushing. 

Work when you feel energized, and do what you can to alleviate pressure and deadlines. Ask for support and assistance when needed. Reward yourself by taking a walk/hike outside. Spending equal or great time involved in fulfilling activities/experiences. Notice the tendency to be in "work mode" and if it isn't conducive to other activities, be sure to communicate with your mind that you'd really like to relax! Minds will be activated and engaged this month and that can lead to a lot of intensity and pressure. Diffuse by tuning in and listening to what your body also needs. The mind has a tendency to forget it's attached to the rest of you!

So, hopefully you can take a few of these KEYS (or make your own!) and see what kind of fun, new ways of being in the world you can unlock? What kind of fun are you willing to be for yourself? What kind of fun would you be willing to have with your mind? What happens when you switch from being locked down to unlocked and unleashed?! I'll be interested to hear about your adventures if you choose to comment below. 

Who You Are

Who you are is an amazing gift to the world. Thank you. 

However you choose to show up in the world, I accept you. Thank you.

All the judgements of the past, present and future I've destroyed and uncreated. You are free. I am free. Thank you. 

Thank you for being you. Thank you for being the light you are in my life. Thank you for showing me examples of brilliance, joy, peace, laughter, unconditional love, allowance and friendship. 

This is the greatest work you've ever done. YOU ARE A STAR! 

Now.......go live your life, wherever you are called to be, whomever you are invited to be with, especially if this is just an intimate time with your own amazing being. 

This is your invitation.....your permission, to be exactly who you are. Show up. Live your life. Shine. You've "got this". You've always had it. No situation, no person can ever take this way. 

Feel free to copy and distribute these words, to everyone you know. Read them every day. Add to them. Paint them on your bathroom walls, stencil them on your curtains. Write them on your kitchen table, breathe them in. Live them. BE them. 

Love notes

Sometimes when I'm having a bad day and I'm more inclined to be grumpy than happy and optimistic, I find reminders, like this one. Out of the blue, planted her by sweet little fingers and delightful heart. I find little notes like this often, though I never know when or where they will pop up. They ALWAYS make my smile. And yes, I save them. Every. Single. One.

I found this a couple of months ago. I look at it every day. It reminds me that I am loved, and to me that is one of the most powerful feelings in the Universe. I am loved. I am loved. I am loved. {I'm just letting that soak in!}

It's a great thing to know that someone loves you, it's just as wonderful to be able to say that "I love myself". That's not conceited, narcissistic or vain. It's vital to living an authentic life. 

I've been lambasted for who I am, how I am and even what I believe. I am deeply sensitive and emotional. I feel, perceive and intuit easily. At times, this has felt like a curse, but I know now, that it is not. I do cry at the drop of a hat, when I am pissed off or I feel that emotions so deeply that this is the fastest "outlet of release". I cry for the pain of others, but I also cry when I see other people succeed. Truth: I've tried to suppress my emotions because it tends to make other people so damned uncomfortable.......and I can't do that anymore. It's not who I am.

You see, I have a heart, I have a huge, amazing HEART. It not only does it's job with the blood and oxygen, it delivers LOVE, in all forms, straight through my veins. I've thought that if I were to only operate with my mind, things would be a lot easier. But I'd miss the experience of how notes like this one make me feel. I'd miss the joy and laughter of my kids and how it feels when one of them grabs me and hugs me, especially when I didn't ask for one of them to. I'd miss that feeling of deep gratitude I have when I connect with friends who love, support and accept me, unconditionally. I'd miss the sweeping emotions of relief when I completed a difficult goal. Everyday, I'm seeing my sensitivity as a gift. 

I've spent a lot of years suppressing my heart, trying to keep it confined, because let's face it, when emotions begin to bubble and boil, not everyone knows how to handle it (including me, at times). That kind of LOVE is scary, wild and out of control. We fear giving our hearts away to others because..... who knows if we'll ever get them back? 

We shouldn't worry though. What we give away not only comes back, it multiplies. The heart is a muscle and the more we use it, the stronger it gets. The more cardio we put it through, the faster it beats. The same holds true for love and gratitude: the more we love, the more expanded our experiences of love becomes. 

For a long time, I've pushed love away; not just the love of other people, but love for myself too. I've compared myself to others. I've tried to be stronger and tougher, less sensitive, less emotional, less vulnerable. What I realize is that spending time trying to make everything that is ME go away is......exhausting. I've given my heart permission to feel however it needs and wants to feel and so what's here is a wide open, expansive freedom. I'm not here to judge, control or fix anyone (myself included). As one of my favorite authors, Dr. Dain Heer shares, "You can't have gratitude and judgement at the same time. You can either be grateful or have judgement: they don't co-exist. Which would you choose?" Gratitude is what I choose, ALL THE WAY BABY!

So here I am, raising the white flag. I give. I get it. I have a heart. I'm going to cry. I'm going to feel emotions so deeply, they cut me like a knife. Rejection sucks and it will most likely bring me to my knees, but it won't kill me. Finding out some situations just aren't going to work to will make my heart feel like it is being torn into bits and yet, every aspect of destruction lends itself to a new creation. The heart regenerates itself. Love repairs. Blood keeps pumping. Oxygen keeps circulating. Love repairs..........

So I have to wonder....... if I can feel this much pain, then my heart certainly has the capacity to feel even greater joy? And what happens if I just open my heart a little more every day? What experiences are ready to show up when I'm willing to live from this place, letting my heart, not my mind lead me? I have a feeling, it's going to be different, in an amazing ways. I'm ready to find out. Care to join me?