Hi Friends,
I've taken a bit of a blogging break as life has demanded that I show up and participate. I've gone through an intense phase of letting go of some very tender pieces of my life. I'm in the process of rebooting and in doing so, much of the way I've participated and made sense of the world is also shifting. Solid ground is an evasive concept:
1. Everything is impermanent, no matter how badly we might wish it to be otherwise.
2. Everything changes so.... avoid attachments.
These are not new ideas for me, it just seems that I am being called to re-learn them. When we participate in life, when we show up and play all out, it's quite a challenge to let go of intentions that we've focus on. We put our heart and soul "out there" in hopes that we will attain what we've invested so strongly within. When the goal falls short, we may feel that we have failed.
This is probably one of the most difficult concepts for me. I go for what I want. I have clear visions and plans. When that falls apart, I'm the first to admit, that I do too. It's not something I'm proud of but that's the truth.
It's the picking-myself-up-off-the-floor and learning to move beyond the pain that sets in motion a new plan. It's not easy to keep going, especially when I've had my heart on something, but I'm finding that life has a way of supporting me, even when I don't ask.
A friend may call, out of the blue, one of my kids gives me an unexpected hug or I get to watch a really beautiful sunset. I become more aware of the messages, signs and symbols that are all around me, reminding me that I haven't yet hit my stride, there's more.
Then, I'm beckoned beyond my normal routine, following a message that I've had for a long time to just "be" to breathe and find water. I sit, for a really, really long time. I breathe in deeply and feel the beat of my heart. It's been through the ringer but it is still going. Here I have no agenda, no plans, no thoughts, no pain, no pleasure. Here is the art of present moment, where everything and nothing comes together, without competition, it just is. Here is where I need to be. Here is where I find myself. Here is where I heal and restore. Here is where I let go. Healing with water and wind.
Meditation: to spend time in quiet thought for religious purposes or relaxation. It's an extreme mental exercise to quiet the brain, clear the thoughts, and live in the present moment. The experts say just 10 minutes a day will work wonders ... but who has 10 minutes to sit in silence and focus the brain on nothing? I mean, I could find a few minutes a day easily but trying to turn my brain off is next to impossible when the neighbor's kids are screaming next door or the semi's coming down the hill are engine breaking so loud the house shakes or I'm running my grocery list through my head . So let this be a challenge to us all to live in the present moment which is the only thing we can control. You have totally been through the ringer, Robyn, but you are a strong, spirited, and soulful woman and nothing can dull your sparkle!
ReplyDeleteAwww, thanks Swoot Soul Sister ;) yes, 10 minutes is a definite challenge. I've started a few new programs to assist in the reboot. One of these is reading the words of Pema Chodron, "When things fall apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times" and her book on meditation. Both are inspirational and mighty challenging to achieve....and yet, I'm finding it is essential. Not easy to turn my brain off (let alone emotions, thoughts, feelings, wonderings, planning, past and future and yet, yet, when I come back from that time out, things do have a way of clarifying.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the reminder and support. My mind does not always feels so strong, yet I'm really practicing leaning into those uncomfortable place. The willingness to do so, to face the shadow requires immense strength so I am also honoring that. It would be really easy to self-abandon, distract and well, you know........ but I'm still here. Love you.